I'll Stay
by Ravenclaweruditeowl
Summary: I like much more ordinary men like you. You know, the ones that look like they could fit in anywhere, be anyone, blend in with the crowd. But then they surprise you with their wit, with their humour, with their strength, with their magic. Gwen didn't say any of it, but she pulled Merlin's face to hers and kissed him.


**A nearly 1000 word story of Gwen's relationship with Merlin at the beginning and after the end of the series. Gwen/Merlin with Gwen/Arthur mentioned as present in canon timeline. **

* * *

_I like much more ordinary men like you. No, I didn't mean you, obviously. Not you. But just, you know, I like much more ordinary men _like _you._

It took her a while to see his side of things. He wasn't ordinary, that part was obvious from the start, even if Gwen didn't know how to phrase it. No ordinary man would be so reckless as to stand up to a prince, later save that prince, and then continue to drink poison for that prince.

If it wasn't for her childish longing for Merlin to have feelings for her, she would have said he was in love with Arthur, as stupid as it sounded.

After making that mumbling stupid statement, more and more reasons for Merlin to be called anything but ordinary popped up, the most recent of which was the obviously magical whisperings that Gaius tried, and failed, to hide from her.

She let Gaius believe he succeeded. It was easier to hide her own magic if she seemed blissfully ignorant of magic at all.

All the same, if Merlin survived, and he would, he had to, Gwen would never look at him the same way.

_He's stopped breathing_. Gaius pulled back from listening to Merlin's chest and turned to Gwen. The old man wasn't crying, not yet. That would be reserved for later, if at all. Gwen wondered if, after all these years, seeing death still had the same effect. She often helped him care for the injured, but rarely stayed by those weak enough that death was a likely outcome.

And Merlin still looked so alive. Sick, yes, but alive. Sweat shimmered on his brow, sticking his hair to his forehead, and it was hard to believe that anyone who had put forth such a fight could just

Be gone.

It didn't feel real to her. Merlin still felt alive. She wasn't sure how she could claim to feel something so unrealistic, but she did. Gwen welcomed Gaius' embrace anyway.

For once she could have had a friend like her, had Merlin survived it.

Maybe their magic would have brought them closer.

_That's disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself, you're old enough to be her grandfather._

The slightly obvious _Merlin you're alive_ from Gaius.

_No, I'm a ghost come back to haunt you. _

Merlin, head held up for the first time in days, had gone straight back to depending on humour.

_I like much more ordinary men like you. You know, the ones that look like they could fit in anywhere, be anyone, blend in with the crowd. But then they surprise you with their wit, with their humour, with their strength, with their magic. _

She didn't say any of it, but she pulled Merlin's face to hers and kissed him. She was so bad with words under pressure, but a kiss was something she could do. Something she'd wanted to do, and for a moment, she thought she might not ever get the chance to.

When she pulled away, the bravery she'd had disappeared.

Merlin was alive and well, and Gwen wasn't ready for it. In her dreams, they did everything together. But those were only dreams.

_Sorry. I'm just - I thought you were dead. _

There she went, ruining things with her words again.

_It's fine. _

_It's more than fine. _

But they never spoke of the kiss again.

"Stay." Gwen reached for Merlin's hand, pulling him back to her.

He stopped, turning to face her with an expression that looked as empty as the chambers Gwen and Arthur used to share.

Months later, she was still getting used to the past tense of it all.

"I failed, Gwen, I didn't save him. Morgana's gone. You don't need me anymore."

"That's not true." She stepped closer to him, wishing she could see something else in his eyes but loss and pain. She saw enough of that when she looked in the mirror.

Merlin shook his head. "I'll be close, for a while. If you need me. But I can't stay here. I can't stay here without him." He looked around at the castle's stone walls and Gwen understood how he felt. But she didn't understand how he didn't understand how she felt.

"You think I don't know? That I don't feel the same way? But I have to stay here. To leave would be to abandon the people of Camelot, to abandon the cause Arthur fought so hard for. I have laws to make, to repeal. I can't reveal my own magic, not yet, or I would risk a civil war. My father is dead. My brother is dead. My husband died in the same war that took away the woman who used to be my closest friend. _Don't let it take you too._"

"You have magic?"

Gwen glared at him. "Is that the only thing you got out of what I just said?"

"No, no, of course not, I just… why didn't you tell me?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Sorry." His gaze dropped to their hands, and Gwen realized that she wasn't just holding on to him to keep him from leaving. He was holding on too.

This time she kissed him slowly, without the haste and desperation she'd had when Merlin had just come back from the dead, although maybe with some of the same relief. For a moment, his lips moved against hers in response before they both pulled away.

"Sorry. I'm just - I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay." Merlin pulled his hand away and stepped back. "More than okay." He kept stepping slowly away, uncertainty written in his steps along with the guilt.

Gwen let him go. But when he finally turned away from her, she spoke softly. "You'll stay?"

"I'll stay."


End file.
